Hobbit Heartache
by EasyAnnie
Summary: Hobbit Heartache is a Lord of the Rings/Sweet Valley High crossover erotic fanfiction. Join the SVH  gang as they travel to Middle-earth for Spring Break and come face to face with the LOTR boys. Would a wizard ever fall for a Wakefield? Read on to see!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hobbit Heartache**_

**Chapter 1**

"Oh, Liz! I think I can almost see land!" Jessica Wakefield squealed, bouncing up and down in her airplane seat. "Look; I'm so excited that I have goose bumps!" she said, extending a tanned arm for her twin sister Elizabeth to inspect.

"Yup, you sure do," Elizabeth confirmed, taking in Jessica's slim, goose bumped arm. "But what changed from five minutes ago, when you told me you'd rather be stuck on a desert island with Winston Egbert again than go to Middle-earth for Spring Break?"

"Welllll," Jessica drawled, "I decided that even if Middle-earth seems boring, I'll just make sure that I meet some not-so-boring boys to make it fun. Plus, I bet they'll have sexy accents, like Jamie Peters or that guy I dated who turned out to be a vampire."

Elizabeth watched her attractive sister shivering with excitement and smiled a knowing smile. It was typical Jessica, changing her mind every ten minutes. If Jessica were ever forced to apply for an actual job, her resume would read everything from star actress to subpar jewelry designer to occasional model/gang member. What others might declare an undiagnosed case of bipolar disorder, Liz understood that it was just Jessica's way. Whereas Jessica spent her spare time dancing like a trollop at the Beach Disco or cheering on the Sweet Valley High Gladiators as Head Cheerleader, Elizabeth preferred the calmer, more mundane aspects of life, much like an extremely elderly woman. Her favorite things to do were to spend quiet evenings at home playing non-erotic Scrabble with her long-term boyfriend, Todd Wilkins, or to give well-thought out advice to a friend or stranger in need.

Personality-wise, the twins were like Bruce Patman and Enid Rollins—as different as night and day! At first glance, however, Jessica and Elizabeth appeared exactly the same. Both stood a statuesque five feet six inches and were a perfect size six. Their long limbs were tanned and toned from years of swimming in the Wakefield family's spacious backyard pool. Honey-blonde hair fell to their un-masculine shoulders in gentle waves, streaked with golden highlights. Though their hair never required styling, Elizabeth usually wore hers pulled back with a single chaste barrette, while Jessica let hers flow wild and free. Both styles looked astonishing.

The twins possessed sparkling aquamarine eyes the exact color of the Pacific Ocean on a glorious afternoon, though Jessica's usually twinkled with a mischievous glint and Elizabeth's reflected a sense of complete serenity and a deeper, all-knowing understanding. They often received compliments on their majestic eyelids and their thick eyelashes, which were so long that they on occasion gently startled the twins upon waking. Their lips were almost daily compared to rosebuds and their snow-white teeth to an oyster's pearl found in the Pacific Ocean on that same glorious afternoon. Their tongues were a healthy shade of crimson and fell delicately inside their mouths. Both Elizabeth and Jessica's wisdom teeth had descended perfectly and there was of course no need for any dental surgery. When the twins joined into conversations with witty and delightful insights, their breath smelled of either Christmas morning or a freshly made batch of blueberry pancakes, depending on the season.

Their waists were whittled and their noses were enviable. Both girls had hands which were somehow gentle and powerful at the same time and strong, clean nails which demonstrated that they each received more than an adequate amount of calcium in their Californian diets. They were blessed with supple knuckles which would easily allow for a two-carat wedding ring to be one day slipped onto a dainty finger. Jessica's elbows were graceful while Elizabeth's were glistening. The skin which covered their perfect bodies was tan, smooth and completely unblemished, except for the one distinguishing physical feature between the twins—a charming beauty mark found on Elizabeth's right un-masculine shoulder. This beauty mark only served to somehow improve Elizabeth's looks. Though both very active, neither girl had a single scar or unsightly mark on their bodies nor could even begin to explain what "_cellulite_" was. At least twice a day, the twins would stop to compliment a beautiful stranger on her dazzling looks before realizing that they were simply staring into a mirror. This grew exhausting but both girls luckily had unusually high levels of energy.

Jessica and Elizabeth also possessed a keen sense of equilibrium which lent them a gait that was both cat-like and agile. To call their knees knobby would be an insult to knees everywhere, as theirs were shapely and led the way down to trim ankles. The girls wore size six shoes to match their size six figures and were equally comfortable in high heels for dancing or athletic shoes for an impromptu hike in Death Valley. Their toenails were pearlescent and looked like ten perfect seashells perched on gilded feet. The soles of their feet were-

"Hey! What are you two lovely ladies smiling about?" said Winston Egbert, Sweet Valley High's resident junior class clown. He leaned across the plane aisle to poke Elizabeth in her slender arm and jolt her back to reality. Thinking about themselves often sent the twins into a pleasurable reflective state, recognizable by the small, satisfied smile on their lovely faces and glossed-over yet still sparkling aquamarine eyes. Friends of the twins had learned how to identify when the girls had slipped into this state and to not rush them out of it.

"Oh nothing, Win. I'm just getting excited thinking about the next two weeks we're going to have in Middle-earth! Do you think we'll be able to do the soil erosion testing that Mr. Jaworski talked to us about?" asked Elizabeth.

"Uhh…maybe, Liz. I don't know," shrugged Winston. "But I heard that Middle-earth has some prime nude beaches. And I just might have forgotten to pack my swim trunks on purpose," he said, wiggling his eyebrows up and down in a comical fashion at Jessica, who wrinkled her pert nose in turn.

"Oh please, Winston, like anyone would want to see that. Once we land this plane, keep you and your nude body far away from me," said Jessica, rolling her glittering eyes at Elizabeth.

"Now, Jess. Remember that even though it's Spring Break, we're here on a school trip. We're all going to have to work together to get our projects done. And I definitely don't want to end up doing all of the work while you have your fun. You'll have to find a balance because I want to have fun, too," said Liz firmly.

"What's this I hear? Star student Elizabeth Wakefield wants to have some fun on Spring Break? The altitude change must be getting to you, Liz," chimed in Lila Fowler, with one perfectly groomed eyebrow raised.

Lila was seated one row behind the twins, much to her chagrin at not being seated in first class. Lila was used to getting exactly what she wanted and was rarely seen in anything but the latest designer fashions. She lived with her father in their sprawling mansion that hosted almost daily parties, Fowler Crest. Mr. Fowler was an extremely successful business man who travelled the world and saw his daughter only on occasion. In exchange for being a proper father, he gave Lila complete control of his credit card as well as numerous repressed daddy issues. Lila was considered one of Sweet Valley High's biggest snobs but was also one of Jessica's best friends. Elizabeth had a hard time stomaching her but the two had a civil relationship, mostly due to Liz's charitable kindness.

Lila had been forced into going on the class trip to Middle-earth because her father was away in Paris collaborating on a business project with Alice Wakefield, the twins' youthful-looking mother. As a prosperous interior designer, Alice often worked intimately on various projects with many of the leading men in town. Sometimes Alice was too tired to wake up early on the weekends and make a fresh batch of blueberry pancakes for her family, but her kids usually forgave her. Ned, her husband, did not.

"Yes, Lila. I want to have some fun while we're in Middle-earth. What's wrong with that?" Elizabeth testily replied.

"Fun like sneaking out and dancing all night long? Or fun like staring at plant cells under a microscope all day? With you I think I need to clarify," sneered Lila, causing Jessica to giggle. A passenger seated a few rows back suddenly sat up straight at the sound of Jessica's delighted giggle and wondered what caused an angel to laugh like so.

"Come on, guys! You act like I'm an old maid or something. There's nothing wrong with having fun with your schoolwork. And besides, with Todd away at basketball camp and Enid back at rehab, I think this might be the perfect time for me to do some things that I really like," said Elizabeth.

"Well, Miss Independent, if you're _really _up for some fun, you know where I'll be. On a silk towel on the beach, soaking up the sun and being served lemonade by a Middle-earth hunk," replied Lila, leaning back in her seat with a satisfied smile on her attractive face.

Just then Bruce Patman sauntered down the aisle, holding a chilled glass with a slice of lime on the side.

"How's coach treating you second-class citizens?" sneered Bruce, taking a sip of his iced drink. Despite being on a plane for the past eight hours and in the bathroom with Annie "Easy Annie" Whitman for the past two, Bruce's khaki pants remained crisp and without a crease. His navy cashmere sweater had not a trace of lint on it and his Italian alligator skin shoes shined as if they had just been freshly polished. His dark brown hair perfectly framed his face, accentuating his strong features and classically handsome looks.

Bruce not only had the looks but the goods to back it up as well. The Patman family was among the wealthiest families in Sweet Valley. They were rivaled only by the Fowler's, a fact which Bruce and his parents hated. The most popular boy in the senior class, Bruce was notorious for his womanizing ways and his many conquests. It was every girl's dream at Sweet Valley High to take a ride in Bruce's sleek black Porsche with the personalized license plate of "1BRUCE1." Both Jessica and Elizabeth had been in 1BRUCE1 numerous times, though never all together. That was, in fact, one of Bruce's personal goals.

"Bruce…is that alcohol on your breath?" asked Elizabeth with a concerned tone in her melodious voice.

"Oh calm down, it's just a gin and tonic, Saint Wakefield. You could probably use a few yourself," retorted Bruce.

"At Fowler Crest, I drink red wine with dinner every night. It's what everyone does in Paris," stated Lila, leaning forward to join the conversation.

"How did you get back to your seat so fast, Lila? Weren't you just in line for the bathroom?" asked Bruce, his brow furrowed with confusion.

"Seeing as I don't use public bathrooms, no," replied Lila with distaste.

"That's weird…I could have sworn that was you," said Bruce slowly, swirling his drink in thought.

"But hey, more importantly, how did you even get a drink, Bruce? Last I checked, we're all underage," said Winston.

"Oh please, like that's a problem for me. The stewardess used to work for my father and is a family friend. Plus, we own this airline," replied Bruce, taking a swig of his drink.

"That'll do it, I guess. Order me a pink lemonade martini with extra olives, would you?" asked Winston in an exaggerated upper-class British accent.

Bruce dismissed Winston with a wave of his hand and instead looked at the girls.

"So ladies, what are the plans for once we land? Who's up for sneaking into my hotel?" jeered Bruce.

"Ohh! I am; I am!" yelled Winston, frantically waving his gangly arms around and practically falling out of his seat.

"Wakefield, what's up with all this silence? That's not like you. Big plans for this trip?" asked Bruce, looking directly at Jessica.

"You could say that," Jessica replied, with a coy smile on her perfectly symmetrical face. "I think this is going to be a very important trip for me. I may not be returning alone, if you know what I mean."

"I have no idea what you mean, actually," said Bruce, already losing interest. He craned his neck to find a stewardess to refill his now-empty drink.

"Well, I keep having these dreams about a ring-"Jessica began.

"A ring that's gold with writing all over it! And it's really important or expensive or something! I keep having that dream, too!" exclaimed Elizabeth, turning to her twin with a shocked look on her unbelievably good-looking face.

"Liz! Do you think…do you think it means someone is going to propose to us? Maybe we'll both get married in Middle-earth! Can you imagine? It's going to be so romantic!" squealed Jessica, her pretty face flushed with excitement.

The two faced each other and shared a meaningful look. Being identical twins, they had a sort of psychic bond with each other, something they referred to as "twin's intuition." Elizabeth could always tell when Jessica was in trouble or needed help, and vice versa. This skill proved handy when Elizabeth was kidnapped by a deranged hospital orderly named Carl, or when Jessica was lost at sea after a class sailing trip went awry. Or when an evil doppelganger named Margo tried to murder Elizabeth to take over her life. Or when Jessica was held hostage by an evil camp counselor while working at summer camp. Or when the twins foiled a murder attempt and were stalked by the angry murderer. Or when Margo's own twin sister named Nora tried to avenge Margo's alleged death by attempting to kill Elizabeth once more. Or when Elizabeth fell in love with a werewolf while working in London and narrowly avoided being mauled to death. After all of those hijinks, the two intuitive girls had learned that whenever they shared an identical dream, it meant something important was going to happen.

A crackly voice came over the loudspeaker just then and made an announcement.

"_Good afternoon to all of our passengers of Air Force Patman. We will now begin our initial descent into the Middle-earth airport, terminal three. Landing time will be in approximately thirty minutes. Please return to your seats and prepare for landing."_

A cheer went up throughout the plane from all the Sweet Valley students on board. As Mr. Jaworski tried to quiet down the group, Winston popped out of his seat for one last dash to the bathroom, tripping over his size eleven feet and spilling out into the plane aisle. Olivia Davidson finally put down her guitar, having played it for almost the entire ten hour trip. Easy Annie scrubbed frantically at her cheerleader's uniform after noticing some unfortunate stains. Ken Matthews, star quarterback for the Sweet Valley High Gladiators, had somehow managed to sleep for the whole plane ride and only now woke up, looking around groggy and confused. Lila reclined in her seat and pulled her silk eye mask back over her mocha-brown eyes, well aware of the negative effect air travel could have on her delicate complexion. Bruce sauntered back to first class, winking at a stewardess on his way. A buzz of excitement seemed to fill the entire plane, and students peered out the windows to watch the landing.

As all of this activity was going on, Jessica and Elizabeth sat frozen in their seats, still reeling from the discovery of their mysterious shared dream about a gold ring.

"This trip is going to be amazing, Liz; I just know it!" said Jessica, her radiant eyes shining.

And even Elizabeth, forever the practical twin and the voice of reason, couldn't help but get goose bumps all over her slim body. She could feel in her calcium-fortified bones that it was going to be an important trip and that something remarkable would happen. But getting married? Elizabeth wasn't too sure about Jessica's interpretation of their dream.

_Well, I definitely won't be getting married. My steady boyfriend Todd that I would never cheat on isn't even here!_ _Maybe I'll make some kind of incredible archaeological discovery and write an award-winning piece on it_, she thought to herself. A credible international piece of work would certainly help her portfolio and maybe even get her a promotion at _The Oracle_, the school newspaper where Elizabeth wrote a weekly column, the "Eyes and Ears." Though Elizabeth usually only reported on recycled school gossip or whatever miscellaneous celebration that Sweet Valley was holding that day, she took her work very seriously and tended to believe that each piece was ground-breaking news. Elizabeth thought of all the potential this trip held and a wide smile broke out on her stunning face.

"You know, Jess…I think you may just be right!" replied Elizabeth.

_**What awaits the Sweet Valley gang upon their arrival in Middle-earth? Will Jessica's prediction of a proposal come true? And knowing that neither Easy Annie nor Bruce has a history of air sickness, what in the world were they doing in the bathroom for two hours?**_

_**STAY TUNED**_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two—Mr. Bilbo Returns**

The door to the grass hut opened and dirt fell down to the ground from Frodo the hobbit's twine sandals. He knelt down to remove the sandals, the trusty protectors that had aided his large feet as he gathered berries and herbs from the forest for the evening supper. Frodo was often keen to search for food and happy to provide for his fellow hobbits but of late he felt a deep, unexplained yearning. It was as if something dear was missing from his life but he could not imagine what. This feeling, of course, worried Frodo.

Frodo crossed the room and stood at his window. He looked wistfully outside, to the tall forest trees which could talk, to the grass clearing where hobbit celebrations oft took place, to the clear brook where the hobbits bathed together in brotherly fashion. Hobbiton, though small and humble, was his home.

Frodo began to sing, softly at first then gaining strength:

_Sturdy is my home, like a redwood tree it stands_

_I sleep with a blanket of trees and clouds above me,_

_Their leaves, the hills and my heart make up this land_

_Protected though I feel, there is something that is amiss_

_A feeling has me blinded but why I cannot see_

_My limbs ache for contact, they burn for a gentle touch_

_Is it a fair hobbit I long for, for a simple touch or kiss?_

Frodo's song was interrupted as his cherished friend Merry entered his hut.

"Dear Frodo! I could not help but hear your song and knew I must visit! Tell me, friend, why does your voice sing of sadness when we have such a gathering this evening? Surely you must be excited," said Merry.

"Oh, but I am, Merry; I am excited. Tonight there will be dancing 'round the fire, a feast of roots and vegetables and stories passed down from our eldest. A celebration is truly what we hobbits are known for, and that is a rightly fact," replied Frodo.

"Then why the solemn song?" asked Merry, for Frodo was known as a hobbit full of cheer and song.

"Something is missing from me, Merry, something that is deep in my heart and fills it with blackness. This feeling arrived recently and will not leave; it plagues me in the night and leaves me empty and weak as a dwarf. It is truly awful, this feeling, and I must find the cure or I fear for my future."

Merry listened to his dear friend speak and felt worry fill his own heart, for indeed this sickness did sound almost crippling in its symptoms. However worried he was, he vowed to not show his fear to Frodo, for that would surely frighten him more.

"Why Frodo, we have all had that feeling before. I believe all you will need is an evening of revelry, spent with your neighbors and companions, feasting and singing until you fall asleep under the stars and dream of the forest," said Merry, hoping that his voice rang true with reason.

"Perhaps you are right, though we did feast twice in the week past and still my heart bleeds. I shall trust in you and join the festivities," said Frodo.

Merry reached out to embrace Frodo but before the two hirsute fellows could join together, the town's bell rang out loud and clear, summoning all of Hobbiton to the town Shire. Merry cursed the metal instrument's cruel timing and gazed with disguised longing at Frodo's squat but strong limbs, wondering what they might feel like on a warm summer's evening.

_I may never know, _Merry thought, his mind taken over by a cloud of melancholy. Nevertheless, he swiftly collected his composure for his friend.

"It is time! Gather your supper offerings and we shall walk together, and soon you will see that your heart will lift," said Merry, filling his voice with cheer and hope.

Frodo collected his twine sandals and his black woolen cape, for the chill of nightfall was fast approaching though spring was newly upon them. Frodo and Merry walked briskly to the Shire, where a crowd was gathering and the fire was freshly built, its amber sparks catching the wind's gentle breeze and rushing up to join the clouds.

In in the center of the crowd stood Bilbo Baggins, Hobbiton's eldest and wisest hobbit. Bilbo's travels had taken him far across Middle-earth and he was, in fact, just returning from a voyage to the Land of the Elves. Bilbo's travels meant that he always had a tale to share and a song to sing, and therefore was admired by all of Hobbiton and treated with great respect. Frodo in particular had long admired Mr. Bilbo's wisdom and the gentle curves of his body, so similar to the sweet fife played at celebrations. The sound of Bilbo's voice singing clear across the night air could often send a warm shiver down Frodo's body, though he did not know why. In any case, Frodo was very happy to see his beloved Bilbo home safe and tried in vain to catch his eye across the excited crowd.

"Frodo? Frodo, where has your head gone? You seem to have heard nothing of what I have just said! You must be in a world of your own, for your face is flushed and your limbs are tense" said Merry, daring to lay a hand on Frodo's shoulder. "Look, Samwise and Pippin are just cross the way; let us join them for Mr. Bilbo's speech."

The two hobbits joined their friends and settled down in the grass. Samwise was a helpful sort of fellow, always eager to help plant seedlings or to till a field in need. Pippin, though truly a lighthearted hobbit, was a bit slow in comprehension and perhaps could even be called dimwitted. He oft trailed behind Samwise on hunting excursions, skipping through the greens and speaking to the blue-throated birds which swooped through the sky. Pippin would have been considered a burden to the town had he not been a skilled dancer, enthralling the crowd at each festival and gathering.

Samwise was quite protective of his Pippin and the two were like brothers in their closeness. Merry sat down next to Pippin, their hair-covered feet touching each other. Sam noticed the intimate proximity of the two and, of course, was not pleased. He took a swallow from his jug of brandywine to appease the unsettling anger that threatened to surface. But just then Bilbo Baggins waved his arms about, signaling that he was ready to speak.

"Hullo! What ho! Welcome fellow hobbits! Thank you for joining me on this evening. The sun is setting, for she is tired and must rest. We will not rest; for tonight shall be a long night," proclaimed Bilbo. This statement was met with cheers from the crowd, with Frodo's voice the loudest of them all. "I have been away from Hobbiton for too long and I have missed you all." Frodo yet again felt a shiver course through his body and wondered if perhaps the crisp night air was causing him to catch cold.

"Fellow hobbits, I have much to tell you. I have tales from the Land of the Elves, from creatures that stand ten hobbits high and from creatures which live deep underground that feast on the darkness and hide from the sun's light. I have travelled to mountains high and have touched the sun herself and I have danced with forty elves at the same time," Bilbo continued. Frodo pictured his Bilbo cavorting with the elves, well-known for their amorous and often perverse ways, and knew that were there elves present at that very moment, he would slaughter them without a doubt.

"But dear friends, I cannot waste further time on such stories. I have important news, news that you all must hear at once. In my travels, I have learned that there exists a ring, a ring which is golden and inscribed with the most beautiful of penmanship known to all of Middle-earth. This ring has the power of seduction and can alter the minds of those around. This ring is pure evil and must be destroyed or we shall all perish under its reign.

In order to destroy this token of ungodly power, we will have to travel to far-off lands and other realms. Our endurance and our wits will be tested. Some of us may not survive this journey. For those who do not, you will at least perish with the knowledge that you have fought bravely in the ultimate battle of good and evil.

My hobbits, I call on you in this time. I must ask of you the ultimate sacrifice, of your willingness to live or die. I ask you now, who amongst this group will stand and pledge to join me on this journey?" Bilbo finished, his wrinkled face flushed from the effort of his words.

A hushed silence had fallen over Hobbiton. Frodo felt as if an amber spark had danced away from the fire and landed in the curls of his long, brown hair, so captivated was he by wise Bilbo's speech. And as if his hair-covered legs were under the control of an elf queen's spell, Frodo jolted upright and stood to his full height of four feet, one inch, squaring his hair-covered shoulders and locking eyes with Bilbo.

"Mr. Bilbo Baggins! I, Mr. Frodo, will join you! I will walk to the ends of Middle-earth and I will fight any creature or dwarf that dares to oppose us!" called out Frodo, his strong gaze never once leaving Bilbo's prudent eyes.

Merry watched this happen and felt an iron hand tighten 'round his heart. He felt both the heat of the ochre fire and the heat of Frodo's passion, the scorching waves urging his diminutive limbs to stand forth. For Frodo and Bilbo to journey together, to spend many a night lain close for warmth, to join hands as they crossed rivers and shared fresh herbs, it would be too much for Merry to bear. So Merry joined Frodo upright, standing shoulder to shoulder with his friend.

"I too will join you, Mr. Baggins," stated Merry.

The sudden movement of Merry awoke Pippin, who had been lulled to sleep by the warm fire and had therefore missed all of Bilbo's speech. Upon seeing his friends standing tall and proud before the group, Pippin at once knew he wanted to stand tall and proud as well, though for what purpose, he knew not.

"Hullo, Mr. Bilbo! Me! Here I am!" sang out Pippin, hopping up to stand and waving to Bilbo. A murmur of concern swept through the hobbits much as the wind sweeps through the Lothlorien forest at night.

At once Samwise staggered unsteadily to stand by Pippin's side, knowing that Pippin could not face such a journey without Sam to guide and protect him along the way.

"Tis all right, Mr. Baggins; I will join Pippin and we shall both promise to help in anyway that we can," said Sam.

Bilbo gazed at these four hobbits standing before him. Frodo, staring at him with an intensity like never before seen, Merry, looking downward with shoulders that sagged, Pippin, humming a jolly tune to himself and playing with Samwise's curly locks, and Samwise, gathering himself to his full height. These hobbits, the bravest of all of Hobbiton, would soon begin their journey.

Bilbo began to speak. "My friends, I thank you. All of Middle-earth thanks you, for you and I are now the ones responsible for protecting our people and our land. We shall begin our voyage in the morning. Pack your rucksacks tonight and bring only the provisions you can carry. You will each need a weapon of sort. We will forage for food as we travel.

To all of Hobbiton that we leave behind, please remain strong in our absence. We will return as soon as we can, but will not return until our task is complete."

A lone voice called out to Bilbo. "But Mr. Bilbo…this ring…where did it come from? And where is it now? And how does it contain all the evil of the world? And can such a powerful tool be destroyed? No details did you provide and I cannot understand!"

A confused murmur once again ran through the crowd, with hobbits nodding in agreement and looking to Bilbo in search of answers.

"Ah, my friend, I am glad that you asked. However, I cannot answer your questions but ask instead that you place your unquestioning trust in me. With this trust, I shall ensure that good will conquer evil," replied Bilbo.

A cheer rang through the crowd as the hobbits hopped to their feet to show their support for Bilbo. A song of goodwill and hope began, and the hobbits danced 'round the fire, spinning and skipping to the beat. Brandywine and barley milk were passed around freely and a family of fifty rabbits were roasted on the fire.

After many a dance and many a song, the four brave hobbits that would soon face peril and the malevolent lay their heads down on the grass and fell into a deep sleep. Their dreams were filled with the same image, which was, of course, a golden ring whose beauty was both incontestable and frightening.

_**Will the hobbits succeed in destroying this mysterious golden ring? Will Merry ever be able to touch Frodo's warm, hair-covered sweet bod? Will Samwise finally come clean about his hidden dependence on brandywine? And the Shire has been abuzz with Bilbo's frequent visits to the Land of the Elves. Could he have an elf on the side? **_

_**STAY TUNED.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Elizabeth gazed out the bus window, taking in Middle-earth's lush green scenery. _How beautiful_, she thought, _almost like Sweet Valley's country club. _The club was the most breathtaking place she knew, and the site of many Wakefield family celebrations. Elizabeth sighed, feeling the first pangs of homesickness for her family back home and their elegantly decorated split-level Spanish-style house. The group had only been in Middle-earth for a few hours, but already it had been a rough trip.

Upon landing in the JFK Middle-earth Airport, the students had been led by Mr. Jaworski to the luggage area to collect their bags. But instead of seeing a colorful merry-go-round of luggage, they had been greeted by an empty terminal, with cobwebs and dust covering the luggage carousel. When they tried to find an airport employee to help them, the students only found a short child sitting behind the customer service counter. When the worker caught sight of the group, he scurried off as fast as he could without saying so much as a word. And Winston swore up and down that the worker wasn't even wearing shoes!

After waiting for over an hour, the students had to board the charter bus Mr. Jaworski rented without their luggage. Mr. Jaworski had climbed into the driver's seat of the bus, looking frazzled and uneager to attempt driving on the Middle-earth primitive roads.

Elizabeth thought back to that airport worker and how strange he had been.

_He couldn't have been more than a ten year old, based on his height_, she mused. _And he seemed to have an unusual amount of body hair. He must have some sort of hormonal disorder, that poor kid. I wish there was some way I could help him. Maybe I could hold a fundraiser or some sort of charity ball when we get back home and mail the proceeds to Middle-earth._

Elizabeth was jolted out of her generous thoughts by a huge bump on the bus. Her flawlessly shaped head banged into the glass of the window, and she groaned in pain. The bump woke up Jessica and the rest of the students who had been napping off the jet lag.

"What? What time is it?" mumbled Jessica, rubbing her sleep-filled aquamarine eyes.

"It's okay, Jess; we just hit a bump on the road. I'm sure we'll be moving again in no time," responded Elizabeth soothingly.

"Maybe if they'd pave the stupid roads, we wouldn't hit so many bumps," said Lila crankily, stretching her arms over her head.

"Come on, Lila, we have to respect Middle-earth's traditions and ways. Experiencing different cultures is the most exciting part of travelling! It can't all be like Sweet Valley, where the roads are as smooth as Jessica's and my skin and no one ever litters," replied Elizabeth, to which Lila merely rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat to resume her nap.

"Hey, what's going on, Mr. J? Why aren't we moving?" yelled Bruce from the back of the bus, where he had cozily settled in with Annie "Easy Annie" Whitman.

Mr. Jaworski turned the bus engine off and climbed down the bus steps to investigate the problem. After a few minutes, he returned and stood at the front of the bus, looking at the tired students with a grim face.

"Well, guys, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We hit a major pothole back there and it looks like the entire front wheel and axle are out of commission," he announced.

"What does that mean, exactly?" asked Elizabeth, her voice full of concern.

"Are we going to die?" shrieked Jessica, a look of sophisticated panic painted onto her dazzling features.

"I will _not_ be dying in Middle-earth on a bus wearing a two day old outfit," stated Lila frostily.

Mr. Jaworski sighed. "Please, everyone, calm down; no one is going to die. I'm just going to have to try to make it back to the airport to get some help and call a mechanic. We were only a few hours away; I can make it there by sunset if I start walking now. We'll have this bus up and running by this evening.

While I'm gone, everyone must remain on this bus _at all times_. Does everyone understand? I don't want to hear that any one of you took a single step off of this bus. Not a single step. Elizabeth will be in charge until I get back. I know that you'll all cooperate and treat her with respect, isn't that right?" Mr. Jaworski looked pointedly at all of the students. "Now sit tight; I'll be back as soon as I can!" he called, already heading out of the bus door and into the lush forest, a backpack slung over his shoulder.

Elizabeth's luminescent eyes widened and she sat up straight in her seat. She felt honored that Mr. Jaworski would trust her with such a responsibility. She vowed right then and there that she would do her best to keep her friends safe and out of harm's way. She stood up and strode to the front of the bus where Mr. Jaworski had stood seconds before.

"Okay guys, you heard Mr. Jaworski. We just have to stay calm and stay in the bus and we'll be fine," said Elizabeth.

"But Liz….what if I have to…you know…" called out Winston, a pained look on his gangly face.

"Very funny, Win. You're just going to have to hold it," said Liz, a blush coloring her cherubic cheeks.

"Uh, Liz, I kind of have to go, too," said Ken bashfully, his sandy blond hair falling into his face.

"Guys! Didn't you listen at all? We have to stay on the bus! We're in the middle of the woods—it's not safe out there. Plus, it's going to be dark soon," said Liz in an exasperated voice.

Bruce stood up, a defiant look on his face. "You know what, Wakefield, I'm sick of this bus and I'm already sick of listening to you get off on being in charge. I'm going outside to smoke this Cuban cigar I snuck on the plane. Any ladies who want to join me can come along," he said, stepping over Easy Annie and into the aisle.

Elizabeth watched in dismay as Bruce strode down the bus steps. One by one, he was followed by almost all of the students on board, most casting guilty looks at Elizabeth as they stepped off the bus and into the fresh air. Soon just the twins were left on the bus. Jessica gave her sister a pleading look with her shiny eyes.

"Please Lizzie…a few minutes outside won't kill us. We all need to stretch our legs or else we'll go crazy!" she said, her voice dripping with honey. "Just a few minutes is all."

Elizabeth sighed. Jessica was very hard to resist whenever she wanted something, a fact that Jessica herself was well aware of. Before Elizabeth even said a word, Jessica saw her relenting eyes and squealed in happiness. "Let's go, Lizzie; you won't regret this!" she cried over her shoulder as she bounded towards the bus exit.

The visually appealing girls left the bus and surveyed the outside. The students had divided into little groups in the forest. Olivia, wearing a long skirt made of hemp and peat moss, was sitting on the grass strumming her guitar. Winston was performing an Irish jig to Olivia's music, continuously stumbling on his lanky legs. Lila was examining her makeup with a mirror and scowling in the general direction of the music. Easy Annie was chatting with Ken, slowly moving her arm down his muscular chest and into the waistband of his jeans. Leaning against the bus was Bruce, smoking his Cuban cigar with an air of nonchalance. Jessica made a beeline for the handsome Bruce and Elizabeth followed reluctantly behind.

"Well, well, if it isn't our fearless leader," said Bruce, sneering at Liz. She frowned in return, the frown somehow still not tainting her dainty features.

"Hey Bruce, got one of those for me?" purred Jessica, leaning against Bruce so their toned bodies touched. Having no physical contact with males for the past day had proved very difficult for the flirtatious Jessica. While she usually had a more-than-frosty attitude towards Bruce after their short but disastrous relationship, there was a definite shortage of eligible males on the trip. And, Jessica reasoned, while Bruce might be irreparably damaging to the self-esteem, he sure was easy on the eyes.

"I'm not sure you can handle this, sweetheart," teased Bruce in a husky voice. "My father got it at a famous cigar store in San Francisco during his trip last week."

"That's odd, our mother just came back from San Francisco, too," remarked Elizabeth, looking puzzled. "She said there was a wallpaper conference…" Elizabeth trailed off and realized that her mother hadn't provided any more details of her trip. _I must not have been paying attention_, she mused.

Jessica cleared her mucus-free throat, annoyed that Bruce's attention had strayed from her. "Oh, I think I handled it just fine when we were at the lake house," she said seductively.

"Hey, I'm part Cuban! Lemme have a puff of that!" called out Winston, running over and grabbing the lit cigar out of Bruce's hand.

"Egbert, I swear on my father's fortune that if you do not give me that cigar back in three seconds, I will snap your scrawny, four-eyed body in half," said Bruce, lunging at Winston, who danced out of his grasp and waved the cigar wildly in the air.

Jessica and Elizabeth giggled while the two boys did a sort of fencing routine, with Bruce trying to swipe at Winston, who kept stumbling out of the way. The other students noticed the scuffle and began cheering for the different boys, pretending it was one of Sweet Valley High's popular wrestling matches. Then suddenly the playful expression on Winston's face changed as he tripped over his size eleven feet and fell to the ground, the cigar flying in the air and landing directly under the bus' gas tank, which had leaked a small puddle of gasoline during their earlier troubles.

Elizabeth instantly knew that they were headed for trouble. She hollered in her loudest voice "Everybody move!" Get away from the bus!" and ran towards the forest, pulling a confused yet beautiful Jessica behind her.

Sparks began to fly and a horrible smell filled the air as the students fled towards the woods. A series of crackling sounds came from the bus, each one louder than the next. It sounded as if the bus were breaking from the inside out, with horrible creaking sounds that made Elizabeth shudder with fear. Suddenly, a huge explosion tore the bus apart, throwing Jessica and Elizabeth to their striking knees.

Flames burst high into the air, the orangey-red hues mixing with the black smoke to color the sky an ominous shade. Winston and Bruce staggered forward, each coughing furiously as the thick smoke entered their subpar lungs. Jessica caught sight of Lila running ahead, her porcelain skin covered in soot and dirt. The twins pulled themselves upright and used their natural athletic builds to run as fast as they could until they could see the bus and the horrible flames no more. They collapsed on the ground and gasped for air, their proportionate chests burning with exertion.

When the girls' racing yet resilient heartbeats had finally slowed down, they looked around. Winston and Bruce were a few feet behind them, both sitting on the ground in a daze. Lila leaned against a tree looking stunned.

Elizabeth was the first to speak. "Is everyone all right?" she asked in a choked voice. "Jess, you okay?" Jessica hugged her flawless sister, unable to respond.

Winston slowly nodded, while Lila and Bruce both mumbled replies.

"Where are the rest of us? Where's Olivia? And Ken? And that girl who tried to kill herself that one time because I didn't let her on the cheerleading squad?" asked Jessica urgently.

Lila let out a strangled cry. "Olivia…I saw…she didn't…" she tried to choke out before dissolving into sobs.

"Lila, take a deep breath. What about Olivia? Is she hurt?" asked Liz urgently.

Lila took a moment gain her composure. "When…when the bus exploded, I saw Olivia. The flames just swept over her; it was like they swallowed her whole. There was nothing I could do so I just ran away. I couldn't help her! It just happened so fast…I don't think she made it. And I think her guitar made her burn faster," finished Lila, tears running down her face.

"Oh God," moaned Jessica, on the brink of good-looking hysteria.

"And Ken? Annie? Did anyone see them after the explosion?" asked Elizabeth.

"Yeah, they had been sneaking off together before…before it happened. I saw them running the opposite way when the bus blew up, towards those big shaded trees," Winston spoke up.

"Okay, so first things first, we try and find them and everyone else. Then we wait for Mr. Jaworski to come back with help," said Elizabeth, trying desperately to keep her harmonious voice from shaking.

The group slowly trekked back to the scene of the explosion. Waves of smoke blew off of the scorched bus and a small fire still burned. Upon discovering Olivia's charred remains, Lila and Bruce both gagged while Winston vomited. The twins, incapable of such unappealing actions, instead wept slow, graceful tears which streamed down their saddened yet exquisite faces.

"At least she's in the earth now," eulogized Elizabeth elegantly. "She always did love dirt."

The newly formed gang spent the next six hours searching the woods and calling out Ken, Annie and the other student's names in vain. They wandered far into the thick forest until all sense of direction was gone. As dusk slowly turned into the darkness of night, the exhausted students sank down to the ground to rest.

"I can't even see in front of me," said Bruce, picking dirt off of his cashmere sweater in annoyance.

"I know; I keep tripping over roots and hitting my head," added Winston, rubbing his head and wincing.

"That's not because it's dark, it's because you have huge feet, Win," joked Jessica, demonstrating her knack for comedic timing. The group laughed, relieved to finally have a light moment.

"You're right, guys. There's no point in looking any more tonight. Let's just set up a camp and we can figure things out in the morning. A full night's sleep will do all of us some good," stated Liz. Too worn down to do anything but obey, the group dispersed in all directions to find supplies.

Elizabeth started off into the woods by herself, leaning down to gather pine brushes and sticks for firewood. She hummed a tuneless song to distract herself from the day's hardships and wished that she was home with Todd, curled up on the couch watching a documentary about the Industrial Revolution. During the commercials, she would fall into Todd's strong, chiseled arms and look deeply into his chocolate brown eyes. She longed for his soft, salty kiss and the warmth of his lean body. She imagined herself pressed against him, rubbing her tanned limbs against his tanned limbs, massaging his muscular shoulders and feeling his hot breath on her swanlike neck. She longed for the day that they would finally progress past kissing, the day that Todd would touch her taut—

Elizabeth's daydreaming was interrupted by sudden movement out of the corner of her aquamarine eye. She wheeled around and saw a ghostly figure in white in the distance, seemingly floating across the ground. Elizabeth squinted her glistening eyes and peered closer. The figure looked masculine but with long, flowing white hair that caught in the breeze. He was wearing a plain white robe which was both simple and elegant at the same time and skimmed over his tall, thin frame. He seemed to be carrying a staff of sort, perhaps to help him walking? Elizabeth wasn't sure, but suddenly longed to hold that staff in her feminine hands. Staring at him sent electric shocks down her resilient spine for some reason, and Elizabeth felt captivated by this mysterious man, as if he held some kind of strange power over her. She quickly forgot all about Todd's salty kiss and wondered what the man in white could do to her with his staff, and if he liked foreign movies with subtitles, too.

As he moved out of her keen eyesight, Elizabeth broke out of her unexpected trance. She looked down at the sticks in her soft hand and the heartbreak of the day came rushing back to her. But suddenly the bus explosion and the charred remains of her dead friend didn't seem quite so bad anymore. Elizabeth was destined to meet this mysterious man in white; she was sure of it! She just knew that he would somehow change her life and teach her wonderful things.

"I'm going to find that man," she swore out loud, "and _nothing_ is going to stop me!"

_**Will Elizabeth ever find her mystical man in white? Have we seen the last of Mr. Jaworski & co.? Is everyone secretly happy that Olivia perished in the tragic bus explosion? And who will be invited to Elizabeth's Sweet Valley "Dance–the-Hair-Away" charity fundraiser for children in Middle-earth with hormonal disorders? Only time will tell. **_

_**STAY TUNED. **_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**A Journey Begins**

Morning in Hobbiton came as rays of sun spread over the remnants of the previous night's festivities. Sleeping hobbits lay splayed across grass, covered by a moist blanket of dewdrops. The once-magnificent fire had breathed its last breath and was now composed of a few dying embers, cool to the touch. Though the hobbits had danced well into the night, the revelry had been mixed with a touch of apprehension, for all of Hobbiton wondered what would soon face them.

From within a deep slumber, Frodo heard the sweet call of a lilac-spotted dove and willed his eyes to open and face the morn. He tried to move his body upright but found he could not, for Merry's arm was strewn over him, the long, black strands of curly hair shining with clear drops of dew. It seemed that Merry's warm body had pressed close against Frodo's all the night long, for there was not a bit of space between the two.

"Merry," Frodo whispered into his friend's ear, "it is time to rouse yourself, for the sun is shining and the song of the birds can be heard loud and clear."

Merry awoke with a start, his eyes widening as the realization of his close proximity to Frodo dawned upon him. His hands fluttered to the front of his brown tunic, brushing against his hardened rod with alarm. It brought none of the pleasure that it normally did. He smoothed his tunic front over his burlap trousers with the speed of a caffeinated jackrabbit and silently willed for Frodo to look elsewhere. Merry's interrupted dream had been quite stimulating, as his dreams tended to be.

"You must have been fraught with cold throughout the night, Merry, for I awoke with your body pressed tightly against mine!" said Frodo.

Merry forced himself to chuckle and opened his mouth to voice feeble excuses but Frodo continued to speak.

"What ho! Look Merry, Bilbo is coming! He looks grand in the sunlight, does he not?" said Frodo, gazing with shining eyes at the approaching figure.

Merry shuddered with silent rage at the sight of Bilbo's aged and boastful face.

"What morn, Frodo, Merry!" called Bilbo, his arms filled with rucksacks and a goatskin of water.

"I hope the evening's slumber found you well, for today is the day that we must begin our journey. Wake Samwise and Pippin and prepare your rucksack as I instructed. We shall meet in one hour's time, by the town well. Do what you must. I will be at the spring, soaking my body one last time before our trek. Oh, how I will miss my soaks!" Bilbo declared, a sad smile on his wizened face.

He turned and headed towards Hobbiton's clear cold-water spring. The spring was used for bathing and the washing of clothes. In warmer weather, many a hobbit could be found splashing in the frigid waters amongst the large, tiger-striped fish that lived there in peace.

Frodo knelt to rouse the sleeping Samwise and Pippin, who were surrounded by a circle of dried vomitus. He kept one wide eye on Bilbo at the spring in the distance. He watched, enraptured, as Bilbo removed his robe, a flash of saggy, snow white skin suddenly visible. As Bilbo waded into the water, the sweet rolls of his well-upholstered body gently undulated and his generous buttocks swayed to and fro.

It felt as if his stomach was suddenly stormed by a nest of eager hornets, so strong was Frodo's reaction to this sight. He let out a small moan and stumbled away to his grass hut on legs that felt like the female hobbit Mabel's famous peasant jelly.

An hour quickly flew by, as they are known to do. The four hobbits gathered by the well, having packed their bags and said their farewells. Samwise had a small vomiting spell into the town well before they left, which he attributed to the nerves in his belly. Bilbo joined them, and as they set off into the forest and left their dear Hobbiton behind, he began a walking song.

Bilbo sang for the next three hours' time as they hiked deep into the woods. Pippin skipped forward and danced to the tune that Bilbo sang, clapping his small hands to the beat. The rest of the hobbits enjoyed the shade of the pine trees and willows, their calloused feet traveling with ease over the roots and gullies that covered the forest bed. Merry walked behind Frodo, taking unnatural pleasure in watching his hard-working rump, while Sam held Pippin in his sight at all times.

They traveled forth in this manner, stopping occasionally to sip from a cool brook or to pick wild berries. Samwise took increasingly frequent swallows from his goatskin canteen but the hydration did not seem to help his balance.

On and on they walked, until the sun had made her way to the west and Bilbo finally halted.

"Now, dear hobbits, we rest," he instructed, "for exhaustion will serve us no purpose."

He sat down on a fallen log and stretched his feet in front of him, the whitened hair covering his feet like the snow that fell freely in the Land of the Elves. The rest of the hobbits joined him on the forest floor.

"Bilbo, would you care for me to massage your feet into health? They surely must grow weary carrying so much wisdom around," Frodo asked eagerly. Sam nodded his head in agreement while Merry felt a surge of nausea.

"No, no, Frodo, that is most kind but you must save your strength. Tomorrow will be a most important day, I feel," replied Bilbo. His eyelids began to droop and Pippin gave him a gentle poke to keep him awake.

"Mr. Bilbo, what will happen tomorrow? And where are we traveling to?" asked Sam.

"Samwise, tomorrow I know not what will happen. And I know not where we travel towards. What I do know is that we travel with a clear purpose in our hearts and that we will be guided along the way. We must trust that we will learn our journey as it comes and it will lead us to the Ring, which we will then destroy," said Bilbo.

"Here, I shall sing you a song which will ease your fears:

_Along a path I know not of_

_And the shadows that—"_

"No disrespect do I intend, Mr. Bilbo, but I myself would feel better had we a map or a plan of sorts," interrupted Merry, the scorn dripping from his voice like the sweet viridescent liquid that so often dripped from his rigid scepter.

"Ah Merry, worry not about these lands; I know them all well from my travels. We have passed the outskirts of Hobbiton now, into the shaded lands. If we travel forth in this direction, tomorrow we will enter the Fangorn Forest. There we will see flowers with blossoms larger than our heads and must be wary of the wild boars that roam the land," replied Bilbo. "But that is not now. Now, we sleep."

All questions had been answered and all fears allayed. With hairy feet and weighed eyelids, the hobbits crafted beds out of the pine brushes and leaves and went to sleep.

The slumber was deep and soon their heads were filled with dreams. From the depths of his nocturnal world, in which Bilbo had been performing a slow and enticing jig, Frodo heard Pippin faintly calling out his name. Pippin called yet again, and he called for Samwise as well. Frodo used all his might to reluctantly leave his dreams and open his eyes. As soon as he did so, he was greeted by a thick blanket of silver around his body, so tightly woven that he was unable to move. It shone brightly in the moonlight and glimmered as if composed of the steel found in human town of Gondor.

"Pippin! What is this above my head? I cannot move!" cried out Frodo in distress.

"Spiders! Oh, spiders!" moaned Pippin, who was trying to thrash about but could not, for the restraining nature of the substance.

Frodo moved his head in the slightest degrees to see that his fellow travelers were encased like he in a massive cocoon of sorts. Bilbo was still in a deep sleep but Samwise and Merry had woken and their eyes were wide with fear.

"Frodo, what imprisons us so? What is this silver material?" called out Merry.

"Spiders!" cried Pippin yet again.

For a spirited dancer such as Pippin, this captivity was akin to torture, though Merry was finding that he almost enjoyed the binding. It brought him back to a particularly stirring night spent in the company of Lobelia and Otho after many a jug of brandywine had been consumed. Merry had used his knowledge of twine and knotting to create a netting with which Otho was restrained and—

_No_, Merry thought to himself, ceasing his tantalizing line of thought. _I must not venture there now, for Frodo needs me._

"Hush Pippin, worry not. We shall resolve this and soon be free," said Frodo to soothe the worried boy.

"Your bravery reassures me to my deepest core, Frodo," said Merry, "and it fills my lower regions with—"

Merry was interrupted by the voice of Sam.

"Listen with care, Frodo! I believe Pippin might be correct when he cries of spiders. Look at this silver material. It seems to be strong yet translucent, much like the web of a spider! We are deep in a strange forest, where we know not the creatures that hide within. I do not doubt that this web could have been woven by forest spiders," said Sam.

"But imagine the size of the spiders who could craft such an intricate and immense web in a mere few hours' time, Samwise! It is comparable to the blankets that Mabel weaves and those take her quite some time, though she is a diligent worker," said Frodo.

"Aye, she is," agreed Sam, unable to nod his head. "And if these spiders worked so diligently on this web which surrounds us, I believe they must have indeed wanted us trapped."

Frodo reflected upon this thought for a moment and felt fear slowly take over his stocky limbs.

Could it truly be spiders? Frodo had hated spiders since he was a young hobbit and Pippin had mischievously hidden a spider into his boiled root stew. Frodo had not realized what he ingested until it was far too late, and by then he could only grip his belly and moan. Since that occasion he had taken care to avoid spiders as much as possible in Hobbiton and Pippin was most certainly forbidden from entering his kitchen. But now the hobbits were quite possibly entrapped deep within a vast spider's web! Oh, what is a Frodo to do!

"Oh, if only Bilbo were awake! He would surely sing a song which could help us out of this tricky state," cried Frodo.

Merry could hear the desperation which filled Frodo's voice and wished that he were bound closer to him to ease his fear with the touch of his bushy hands.

Shadows of darkness suddenly clouded the silver webs. Frodo could feel the web push closer to his face, weighted down by the landing of black objects which could only be the feared arachnids. The web obscured his vision but he could feel the multiple legs sinking slowly into the web and baring down onto his body. His breathing became staggered as the weight on this chest grew. To imagine the size of these spiders brought tears to his eyes. The creatures felt composed of cast iron, so heavy were they!

A single black spider leg broke through the web and grazed Frodo's face. A scream from Pippin let Frodo know that the same was happening to the rest of his companions.

"We are doomed! Hullo Death, you have arrived early!" sobbed Frodo. "And still Bilbo sleeps, unaware that soon we shall part!"

The spider's massive body crawled through the web and Frodo could glimpse five more spiders behind him still. Their eyes shone a deep red, glowing as if lit by a sorcerer's fire. Frodo felt the warm, rancid breath of the beast on his face and mourned, for his end was near.

But what was this?

The hot breath of the spiders grew as they let out a piercing call which burned the hobbits' ears. A light suddenly spread over the entrapped group. It was iridescent and beautiful and somehow soothed Frodo's fear.

As he struggled to see the source of this light, he felt his chest move with ease and discovered that the giant spiders were scurrying off into the woods. They moved away from the hobbits as fast as their considerable legs could carry them.

Frodo let out a cry of wonderment as he realized he could once again move. They were free!

The four hobbits clawed their way through the loose webs, limbs fighting through layer after layer of the viscous strings. Though their vision was clouded, Frodo could make out the indistinct shape of a towering male standing before them in the shadows. Frodo staggered to his feet, helping his friends to stand up forth alongside him.

"Merry, there is no need to cling to me so tightly in fear. We have somehow been freed!" called out Frodo.

"Aye Frodo, such a harrowing experience it was! Truly one that bonds two souls and one that makes you yearn for the weight of a body on top of you," said Merry. He was massaging Frodo's shoulders with the gentlest of touch. Confusion dripped over Frodo like the piquant nectar that so frequently dripped from Merry's iron protuberance.

"Did you see that wondrous light? It must have been the work of magic!" cried Sam.

In all of the excitement that sudden freedom brings, the group had forgotten about the shadowy figure cloaked in the darkness. But the slow-minded Pippin remembered and pointed outwards, dancing about.

"You! You who hides in the shadows and saved us from a certain death, reveal yourself!" called out Frodo.

"Yes, kind stranger, we must repay you somehow!" added Samwise, brushing remnants of web out of his leg hair while clutching his goatskin canteen.

With the slowest of pace, a robed figure in white emerged from the nightfall. Frodo's eyes required a moment to adjust and see with clarity. A gasp arose from the hobbits as they realized who was before them.

"Why, it is Gandalf the Grey!" cried Frodo in surprise. And indeed it was true, for standing before the hobbits was the mystical wizard himself.

"Yes," replied the wizard, "and I bring you news."

_**What is this news that the mystical Gandalf brings? Will Frodo express his love to Bilbo before it's too late? With Samwise's near-constant vomiting, is severe dehydration looming in his future? And is Merry's knowledge of erotic knotting and nets enough to save the hobbits from the most terrifying adventure they've had to face yet—LOVE? **_

_**STAY TUNED.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Can we _please _take a break? My feet are killing me," moaned Lila, stopping abruptly in her tracks.

Jessica rolled her glorious eyes as the group came to a halt. This was the third time they'd taken a break that day, all due to Lila's nonstop complaining. Lila was one of Jessica's best friends but was sometimes best in small doses. And this trip to Middle-earth had been anything but a small dose of Lila.

"Maybe if you hadn't worn your brand new Italian suede heels just for a plane ride you'd be able to walk for more than ten minutes," replied Jessica testily.

"You're one to talk," said Lila, staring pointedly at Jessica's striped espadrilles.

"Excuse me? I'm leading the pack here, not limping around and whining," exclaimed Jessica, her feisty southern Californian temper beginning to emerge.

"Ladies, ladies," interrupted Bruce. "You're both morons. But let's not forget the biggest moron here, Mr. Winston Egbert himself, destroyer of buses and buzz killer of vacations."

"Oh, forgive me, guys. Anyone remember our old friend Olivia? The one who died by being burned alive in an explosion? Maybe you should think about her for a second instead of whining about your shoes," snapped Winston, uncharacteristically serious.

"Guys, guys. Let's cool it, okay? I know we've been walking all day and we're all tired and stressed, but arguing isn't going to get us anywhere. Let's take a quick break and then regroup. I have a feeling we might come across a town soon and then we can get help," said Elizabeth, trying her best to soothe the tense group.

Jessica rolled her mesmerizing eyes to herself once more.

_Thank you very much, Mother Teresa_, she thought.

She knew Elizabeth was just trying to help, but her relentless optimism was starting to wear thin. They had been hiking deeper and deeper into the thick forest all day trying to find anyone who could help them. After endless hours of walking, it looked like they were in the exact same place as where they started—surrounded by trees and not a single sign of human life.

_At least all this hiking has probably made me drop five pounds, _thought Jessica as she walked away from the group to get some space.

Jessica was correct. Her swift metabolism allowed her to lose weight with ease, although weight loss was completely unnecessary. The Wakefield's family doctor had confirmed that both Jessica and Elizabeth's Body Mass Index measurements were perfectly suited for their heights. Jessica recalled this fact and smiled, then caught sight of Bruce standing in the distance. He sniffed a purple berry and threw it to the ground in distaste.

_Now, if just Bruce and I were lost in the woods together, this would be a different story_, Jessica thought, a sultry smile coming over her dainty features.

But before Jessica could start daydreaming about riding 1BRUCE1, she happened to see Elizabeth sitting by herself, looking hunched over and dejected. Jessica sighed, realizing she had twin sister duties to fulfill. She marched over and plopped herself down next to her sister.

"Lizzie, cheer up. We're going to be okay," said Jessica in what she hoped was a calming tone.

But secretly inside Jessica was busy imagining being with Bruce at Miller's Point, keeping warm on a cool Sweet Valley evening. She'd run her tawny hands over his white linen jacket, slowly moving them down to his grey silk slacks. Bruce would eye her favored tuxedo shirt and matching pants and wonder what the hell she was wearing. Jessica would slide her hands under his jacket and marvel at the fact that none of the males in Sweet Valley seemed to have chest hair. Bruce would begin to wish that Jessica was in a deep coma so she would finally stop talking and he could comfortably make a move. Jessica would think how handsome Bruce was, almost as good looking as her older brother Steven. Bruce would cup her—

Her steamy daydream was interrupted when Elizabeth looked up, her angelic face startled.

"What? Oh, hi Jess. Yeah, I know. I'm sure we'll find help soon. It's just . . ." she trailed off, her fluorescent eyes filling with tears.

"Oh, come on, we've been lost in nature and on the brink of certain death a hundred and thirty-seven times before. Remember when we got lost in Death Valley and held hostage by those escaped convicts and were saved only because one fell in love with me?" asked Jessica.

"Yes, I do. That was really unusual; escaped convicts usually resort to their roots and commit violent crimes again," said Elizabeth slowly.

"Or how about when I got stuck on a deserted island with Winston and had to fend off a bear attack? And Winston was in love with me the whole time? Can you believe that?" said Jessica.

"I'm still surprised about that, considering you've had no wilderness training," said Elizabeth, sounding a bit more like herself.

"And remember when I pulled Todd out from his burning car right before it fell off a cliff? And then he thought he was in love with me!" exclaimed Jessica.

"I do recall that, yes. I actually hated you for that," replied Elizabeth stiffly.

Jessica laughed, a peal of amused delight.

"And there's always the time we were stranded in that blizzard in Stoneybrook after twenty-one inches of snow fell and Logan kept flirting with me. Southern guys have always had a thing for me."

"Was that us?" asked Elizabeth, her SAT-acing brain momentarily confused. Jessica took no note of this and plowed on with her examples.

"Or the time that the gang leader of Palisades High fell in love with me but then he died and I won a surfing contest? Or that time we were stuck on a bus that couldn't go under fifty miles per hour or it would blow up and that cop fell in love with me? Or the time I starred in the school play and Bill Chase fell in love with me?"

"Those are all great examples, Jess. You're right, little sis. We've been through a lot before and come out just fine. Thanks for the encouragement—you're almost as good a listener as Mr. Collins is!" said Elizabeth.

Jessica gave a thin smile and nodded.

She had always thought her sister's preoccupation with their English teacher and school newspaper advisor was a little strange, even though he did look just like Robert Redford. She could often hear her sister talking to him on the phone late at night in hushed tones, her soft, delicate laughs slowly turning into heated moans. Jessica could always tell in the morning when Liz had been having a special "emergency _Oracle_ meeting" over the phone with Mr. Collins the previous night, her teal eyes bloodshot and a guilty expression painted onto her bronzed face.

With Elizabeth momentarily reassured, the next few hours of hiking went smoothly. Jessica and Lila's steady stream of gossip kept the group occupied and in more relaxed spirits. They were on another break for Lila's feet when suddenly Winston froze, his size eleven feet ceasing all movement.

"Did you guys hear that?" he whispered, looking around furiously. "It sounds like there are people up ahead."

"All I hear is a much-needed break from these two yabbering on about Caroline Pearce this, Ronnie Edwards that," replied Bruce.

"No, shhhh. I hear it, too!" said Jessica, straining her vigorous ear canals to listen. She could barely detect the faint sound of muffled voices and footsteps in the woods.

"Let's check it out! I bet Mr. Jaworski sent out forest rangers looking for us!" said Elizabeth.

The group broke out into a run and dashed ahead, with Jessica and Elizabeth leading the way with their God-given athletic ability. They burst into a clearing and suddenly came face to face with an old, saggy looking man and a group of four strange children. Or were they men? Jessica wasn't sure, but she quickly hiked up her suede miniskirt and smoothed her silky hair. The air was filled with silence as the two groups stood frozen in place staring at each other.

The twins were naturally the first to gain their composure. Elizabeth stepped forward and extended a tan hand, a soft smile on her tired yet friendly face.

"Hello, I'm Elizabeth Wakefield and this is my twin sister, Jessica. Maybe you've heard of us. We're both a size six. We come from a town called Sweet Valley. My friends and I are students on a class trip but our bus broke down, and right now we're a little lost. Maybe you can help us?" asked Elizabeth.

The old man who looked to be their leader stepped forward. His pale face was covered with wrinkles and he carried many extra pounds on his short frame, which made Jessica cringe just looking at him.

_He'd look so much better if he just lost twenty pounds_, she thought.

She opened her muscular mouth to tell him this but was interrupted as he suddenly began to sing a song, something about the moon and a river. The Sweet Valley gang stared with their blemish-free jaws dropped.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?" broke in Bruce with disgust.

The man abruptly stopped his song, a surprised expression coming over his shapeless features.

"I am Master Bilbo Baggins, wisest resident of Hobbiton. I have traveled these lands and have many stories to share," said the man.

"And I am Frodo," said a small hairy boy, stepping forward. "And this is Samwise, Merry and dear Pippin."

_Cute_, thought Jessica, casting an alluring look at Frodo. _He must be European_.

"Nice to meet you, all of you," said Elizabeth graciously. "And this is Lila, Bruce and Winston."

A tall man wearing a white cloak suddenly stepped out of the shadows. Jessica felt her comely sister gasp and stiffen.

"And you are?" Jessica purred, bestowing an enticing smile upon the almost painfully thin man.

"I am Gandalf the Grey," replied the mysterious man. He offered no further information.

"Uh, hi. I'm Liz, I mean Elizabeth, uh, Wakefield. We're a size seven. I mean six. Six! I like your robe," Elizabeth sputtered, her smooth face turning scarlet.

Jessica watched her usually eloquent sister bumble over her words and raised her sparkling eyebrows at Lila. What was going on? Liz never got flustered around people. In fact, Jessica often found her in the midst of giving reassuring speeches to various strangers in the grocery store. The only time Jessica ever saw her sister ruffled was when she first met Todd. A light bulb went off in Jessica's lightweight head.

_Hmm, so Liz has a crush on this homeless guy, huh?_ Jessica thought. _She always did like the older type. I think that Frodo boy may have some potential but the rest are lost causes. _

Jessica snapped back to attention as she heard her name. The chubby man was talking again.

"'Tis like looking at the same person when I look at you two," Bilbo said. "Never have I seen such a thing, and I have seen wolves sing and a parade of nude country dwarves march by. Were you touched by a sorceress in your mother's womb?"

"Thanks, yeah; people always tell us that we're beautiful. What do _you_ think, Frodo?" asked Jessica, staring deeply into the boy's chocolate-colored eyes, a shock of brown hair curled onto his forehead. He mumbled a few unintelligible words and looked down at the ground.

_He must be visually impaired or ill_, thought Jessica, feeling slightly offended by Frodo's lack of response. _Or maybe he's one of those slow people from other towns that you see on TV._

"So we're here because our bus broke down—why are you guys singing like church boys in the middle of a forest?" asked Bruce bluntly.

"Ah, 'tis quite a tale. It began with a journey prior, of which I take many, and it was there that a discovery was made," began Bilbo.

"Abridged version, please," interrupted Bruce. "I'm already in a bad mood."

"Poor Brucey didn't get his usual breakfast of champagne and lobsters," put in Winston, which earned him a punch on the arm from Bruce.

"Very well, my new acquaintance. My fellow hobbits and I are on a mysterious quest which will take us far and near. We will cross the Lothlórien Forest, travel through many towns and most likely encounter sensual dwarves and Elves on our way. When we reach our destination, we shall have a dangerous task to execute. We would be most pleased if you would join us, as your soaring heights and robust bodies will prove most useful," explained Bilbo. "Will you join us on our quest?"

"Well, if you aren't able to help us find Mr. Jaworski or a way out of here, then I think we're wasting our time," said Lila.

"Yeah, maybe we should just keep moving," added Winston. "These guys have their own problems to deal with without us tagging along."

"No! We have to stay together! For safety!" cried Elizabeth in a panic. "Mr. Jaworski left me in charge and I say we should stay with Gandalf and the rest of them. Don't you think so, Jess?" She looked at Jessica with imploring and vibrant eyes.

Jessica felt indifferent and wanted to work on her tan.

_At least I'll get some attention from males if we stick around these guys. I bet they'll compliment me a lot,_ she figured.

"Sure, let's go with Bilbo Bagpan and Frodo. It can't hurt to stay with some guys who know the land, right?"

"If that's what you want, Jess, then I agree one hundred percent," said Winston shyly, holding his size eleven shoe in his hand.

"Thanks, Win," Jessica replied with a playful wink.

_It's so easy to manipulate people when they're in love with me,_ she wisely reflected.

"Whatever, Wakefield. Just know that if I die out here, my dad will sue the hell out of your parents," said Bruce. "He'll take your dog just to spite you."

Jessica rolled her graceful eyes and glanced at Lila to get her thoughts on the matter. Lila was staring in disdain at the small boy named Pippin, who was dancing in circles around Lila and trying to touch her hair.

"Great! We're all in agreement!" announced Jessica. "Let's get moving! Frodo, would you mind giving me a hand? I'm a little tired." She stooped over to link her sultry arm through Frodo's hairy one_. _

_Did he just shudder at my touch?_ Jessica wondered. _No, that's the most insane thing I've ever heard. Must have just been a shiver of excitement._

Frodo again mumbled a few incoherent words which Jessica didn't catch, but let out a peal of flirtatious laughter anyway.

With Frodo and Jessica leading the way, the newly formed group set off together.

"To the Land of the Elves!" cried out Bilbo.

Elizabeth lingered one step behind Gandalf, while Winston and Merry began chatting. Lila and Bruce walked together, both avoiding the weird dancing boy.

Jessica looked down at Frodo and smiled_. _

_You can play hard to get as long as you want, Frodo_, she thought. _No man or young boy can resist Jessica Wakefield in the end!_

_**Will Frodo succumb to Jessica's delightfully subtle yet gracefully flagrant charm, or does he have other plans in mind? Will Elizabeth and Gandalf soon call an emergency meeting of "The Oracle" to order? And most importantly, will the Sweet Valley teens and the Hobbiton hobbits merge more than their collective groups?**_

_**STAY TUNED.**_


End file.
